Book Offer - Terms and Conditions

  1. **Definitions:**

    1. “Author” means “James Freedman” “James”, “I” or “me” and/or any other person duly authorised to be making this offer.

    2. “You” means the individual accepting these terms and conditions almost certainly without reading them because let’s face it no-one ever reads the terms when there is little or no money changing hands which frequently means they are voluntarily giving away valuable personal data.

    3. “Publisher” means the entity who would have published the book being the subject of the offer if it had been written, which it definitely hasn’t.

  1. **Acceptance of Terms:**

    1. If you do not agree with any of these terms, you may not access this page in connection with this offer.

    2. By accepting these terms and continuing with this offer, you acknowledge, accept and agree that the author has not written a book. You further acknowledge, accept and understand that “the book” which does not exist, is referenced by the author for the sole purpose of eliciting your personal data using techniques frequently employed by criminals.

    3. These terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you and James Freedman, hereinafter referred to as “the author”, even though he definitely hasn’t written a book.

  1. **Restrictions on Use:**

    1. You may not use this website or its contents for any unlawful purpose or in any manner that violates third-party rights.

  1. **Limitation of Liability:**

    1. In no event shall the author be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, or consequential damages arising out of or in connection with this offer.

  1. **Indemnification:**

    1. You agree to indemnify and hold harmless the author from any claims, damages, liabilities, costs, or expenses arising out of this offer.

  1. **Disclaimer of Warranties:**

    1. The free book offer is made "as is" without any warranties, express or implied.

    2. The author does not warrant that this offer will be error-free nor that any defects will be corrected.

  1. **Intellectual Property Rights:**

    1. You acknowledge that the author retains all rights, title, and interest in these terms and conditions which may not be copied, quoted, shared or otherwise disseminated.

    2. You acknowledge that the author cannot retain any rights, title or interest in a book that doesn’t exist.

  1. **Permission to collect personal data:**

    1. Notwithstanding Clause 3.1 above, you hereby grant the author irrevocable permission throughout the known world, galaxies and universe to collect, process, publish or otherwise use your personal data for any purpose or in any manner even if such use could violate your own or any third-party rights.

  1. **Amendments to Terms and Conditions:**

    1. The author reserves the right to amend these terms and conditions at any time without notice and with immediate effect. If you do not wish to accept any such amended terms, you agree to hand a ripe free-trade banana to the author within 24 hours and expressly agree that failure to do so after any such amendments shall constitute your acceptance of the revised terms.

  1. **Confidentiality:**

    1. 10.1.You agree to keep the terms of this offer confidential and not to reveal, disseminate, publish, or otherwise share these terms in particular any shady or dodgy clauses with any other persons.

  1. **Governing Law and Dispute Resolution:**

    1. 11.1.These terms shall not be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of England and Wales but instead the parties irrevocably agree that any dispute shall be resolved exclusively and absolutely as decided by the author in his absolute discretion provided only that any written or verbal decision by the author concludes with the words yah boo sucks to you.

  1. **Miscellaneous provisions:**

    1. 12.1.These terms constitute the entire agreement between you and the author regarding this offer.

    2. 12.2.By accepting this offer you:

        1. agree to display a large framed portrait of James permanently in your home alongside any pictures of your closest, family and friends.

        2. undertake to supply James with a lifetime supply of Charbonnel et Walker chocolate.

        3. grant James the option to purchase full title and ownership of any home or vehicle owned by you at any time for the fixed consideration of a packet of Haribo, and

        4. assign James the absolute and irrevocable right to name or rename your first child Colin.

  1. If any provision of these terms is found to be invalid or unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall remain in full force and effect.

Last updated 1 April.